If you’re having a hard time forgiving one particular person, it may be time to talk it out. Sometimes our anger and pain is rooted in misunderstandings. Sometimes we simply have a hard time understanding and seeing the other person’s point of view. Sometimes we feel misunderstood and ignored. All of these scenarios can make it hard to let go and move on. We feel stuck and often the easiest way to get unstuck is to have a conversation.
That’s right… sometimes you have to confront the person you’re angry with and talk it out. You don’t have to be mean or nasty about it. In fact, you shouldn’t be. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt and approach the meeting with an open mind and, if possible, an open heart. Assume that this is all a big misunderstanding until proven otherwise.
Invite an open and frank discussion. Start with open-ended questions. It’s fine to let them know that you’re hurt, but do what you can to phrase it in a way that isn’t accusatory. After all, you’re not there to make them feel bad or make accusations. You’re there to start a discussion and have a talk about what happened.
Do that and I’m sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Most people are genuinely nice and aren’t inherently cruel and don’t mean to hurt you. As an added bonus you’ll find that it’s much easier to let go and forgive someone when you’re closer to them and know more about why they did what they did. Of course there’s always the rare exception to the rule. In that case, talking it out won’t help you move on. When you find that the other person is lashing out and trying to hurt you further, your best option is to walk away. At that point it may be time to cut them out of your life if possible, so you can find peace and move on. In either case, you’ve learned something from the discussion and more importantly you got yourself unstuck.
If you’re reluctant to approach the person who has hurt you, start by talking it out in your head. Have an imaginary conversation with them. Not only will this allow you to get clearer on the issue and your feelings without having to do any actual talking, it’s also a great exercise in finding out what may happen. Make the conversation go as badly as you can imagine it. That right there is the worst that can happen. Facing your fear can help you be less afraid and less reluctant to have that actual talk. After all, chances are it will go much better than what you’ve feared and imagined. Go have that talk so you can continue to move on and let go.